Take this heart along with You. In this season of rest and restoration, let the moments be few where i can remember where You found me and where You want to lead me into.
In my life. Let Your will be done.
Friday, December 20, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
Focus
Its like everytime you felt you got it. You know how is it like to walk with God and be a overcomer and just own everyone cause you are walking so close to God and nothing else seems to be able to slow you down and often you wonder why are people so unwilling to walk with God when God is just so good and His promises for us are already there even before we think it is and still stands true in the different seasons of our lives. Why? i thought to myself as long as i am able to keep saying "yes" to God everything will just be as how i prayed and how it will turn out as what it is written in His Word that when we fear God, we shall lack no good thing. Just conquer, just overcome, just enjoy walking with God. Not that hard ehh.
Until i met emotions and it became part of my greatest enemy when i couldn't reconcile it with what i wanted to believe in my mind. It consumed my time, effort, energy and at times i just feel like why did God even gave us emotions that are most of the time in the way of us following Him. To be a steward of our emotions are really a pain in the ass and sometimes i feel that i'm at the mercy of my own emotions, or at least im willing to let it be as it is and how i feel about some stuff. It gets tiring, burdensome and even irritating as i try to focus what i think is important in my life.
Yet, as i continue to discover more about God and myself. i thank God that He is really faithful in my life and always extending His love and mercy in my journey with Him. His Word my constant encouragement, His people my family in Him.
And i really miss her. Can i just be honest? will you judge me for being so childish? sigh. God be the center of my life again.
Until i met emotions and it became part of my greatest enemy when i couldn't reconcile it with what i wanted to believe in my mind. It consumed my time, effort, energy and at times i just feel like why did God even gave us emotions that are most of the time in the way of us following Him. To be a steward of our emotions are really a pain in the ass and sometimes i feel that i'm at the mercy of my own emotions, or at least im willing to let it be as it is and how i feel about some stuff. It gets tiring, burdensome and even irritating as i try to focus what i think is important in my life.
Yet, as i continue to discover more about God and myself. i thank God that He is really faithful in my life and always extending His love and mercy in my journey with Him. His Word my constant encouragement, His people my family in Him.
And i really miss her. Can i just be honest? will you judge me for being so childish? sigh. God be the center of my life again.
Monday, October 14, 2013
What's right and what's wrong?
We all do have a indication if we are living our lives correctly or something is wrong. While that is cultivated while we were growing up and seeing people around us, picking up values that we think is noble, of good return probably and maybe even things that will value add your life if u have them which would make you a people person. We all have that but what should we be living for? What is the right stuff so to say? The wrong stuff?
The Word of God encourages us that it is the lamp unto our feet, light unto our path. But when we really see the real stuff, it also says that men loved darkness and how often we allow the sin that so easily entangles us to stop us from running the race with Him. I admit i think i am more of a emotionally, men-fearing person since young.My bearing always come from people and sometimes it hurts to see people hurt and i am part of the cause. I hope that i will not be so prideful that when God challenges me to apologize to anyone that i will withhold it and i pray that as i journey with Him i will be more like Him each and everyday.
Today God, i have heard Your call to repent and make right. Come be the Lord of my life.
The Word of God encourages us that it is the lamp unto our feet, light unto our path. But when we really see the real stuff, it also says that men loved darkness and how often we allow the sin that so easily entangles us to stop us from running the race with Him. I admit i think i am more of a emotionally, men-fearing person since young.My bearing always come from people and sometimes it hurts to see people hurt and i am part of the cause. I hope that i will not be so prideful that when God challenges me to apologize to anyone that i will withhold it and i pray that as i journey with Him i will be more like Him each and everyday.
Today God, i have heard Your call to repent and make right. Come be the Lord of my life.
Monday, October 7, 2013
A quiet love, a faithful God
Indeed, its hard to conceal people who are good and bad. By their fruits you shall recognize them. When God is good, it won't be long till we get it and even if it takes long long longg time before you realize that its fine too. His plan, His purpose, His way is still being shaped into our lives. To sum up, this life is about Him more than about ourselves. Indeed, He must increase and i must decrease.
Your kingdom come. Your Will be done. On earth as it is in heaven.
Your kingdom come. Your Will be done. On earth as it is in heaven.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Transition
Today is new. Well everyday is a new day created by God but i felt today was special. Its like having new life by changing some of my old mindsets and letting God speak something personal that just changes everything about you. Even my mood is altered and no longer depressed due to the newness that is breathed upon when u mix with born again believers.
Different seasons of your life God does different stuff and its really His way and time that He deals different issues that we have. I used to think if this was not solved then there was just no way i could do anything else for Him but the Word of God encourages again and again how God used people who were murderers and basically people who are just not able to do anything since they have not made right with God but the purpose and plan of God brings them to a place where they can do stuff for God and ultimately returning back to the creator. This sounded abstract to me and i could not conceive in the beginning but as i really inspect their life, it is really about a life with God and for God. The longer u struggle with finding your own way to walk with God the more you fail and feel insecure about everything. No wonder the Word of God says,
Psalm 139:15-17
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Our days ordained for me. How can the Words be so intimate and so precise. I want to live my life knowing the Word of God. Be my best friend okay!
God, today let me receive You as my personal Lord and let it be a everyday renewal. Be my boss as i follow what You have ordained me to do. Keep me in Your love. =D
Different seasons of your life God does different stuff and its really His way and time that He deals different issues that we have. I used to think if this was not solved then there was just no way i could do anything else for Him but the Word of God encourages again and again how God used people who were murderers and basically people who are just not able to do anything since they have not made right with God but the purpose and plan of God brings them to a place where they can do stuff for God and ultimately returning back to the creator. This sounded abstract to me and i could not conceive in the beginning but as i really inspect their life, it is really about a life with God and for God. The longer u struggle with finding your own way to walk with God the more you fail and feel insecure about everything. No wonder the Word of God says,
Psalm 139:15-17
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Our days ordained for me. How can the Words be so intimate and so precise. I want to live my life knowing the Word of God. Be my best friend okay!
God, today let me receive You as my personal Lord and let it be a everyday renewal. Be my boss as i follow what You have ordained me to do. Keep me in Your love. =D
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Deeper
Yes. As we all grow older and deeper in this walk with God, we crave for something real. Something that we can die for and how God is so real in our lives or nothing at all. There's either faith or nothing. Real or walk away.
A question i really don't understand is that why is this happening to me again. I used not to care about so many things and accept a lukewarm life that i was living. I enjoyed as there was always the grace of God and how i could still put a leg into the world and know that i am not prefect anyway. It sounds like its not suppose to be like that in the first place but it has been and i have been existing comfortably.
Recently, my grandfather's brother died and i felt really bad that i did not went to the hospital to visit him when i could have the chance. It was only today that i wanted to go when i heard of news that he passed away in the early hours.
God, when i remain faithless. I need Your faithfulness in my life. Help me when i consciously reject Your dealing in my life and bring me back to Yourself. I wanna be Your child all my life. Tear this pride, break this bondage. I'm running to You again.
A question i really don't understand is that why is this happening to me again. I used not to care about so many things and accept a lukewarm life that i was living. I enjoyed as there was always the grace of God and how i could still put a leg into the world and know that i am not prefect anyway. It sounds like its not suppose to be like that in the first place but it has been and i have been existing comfortably.
Recently, my grandfather's brother died and i felt really bad that i did not went to the hospital to visit him when i could have the chance. It was only today that i wanted to go when i heard of news that he passed away in the early hours.
God, when i remain faithless. I need Your faithfulness in my life. Help me when i consciously reject Your dealing in my life and bring me back to Yourself. I wanna be Your child all my life. Tear this pride, break this bondage. I'm running to You again.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Lifter of my head
Today is the day. I felt that God has finally not kept silent and i heard so clearly what He is saying to me again. It was with an heavy heart doing all the things that i was committed to and just going for the services and the voice of God came as a whisper. A gentle, soft yet clear whisper. And not just voice but the peace and confidence that came along with it was one that was refreshing and assuring. Now i know that God wants me to go for this segamat mission trip and i know that He certainty wants to use us to do a work over there.
With all that being said, the biggest issue that i have on hand was also something that God had spoke very clearly. It was in line to what i have always so feared to hear and that is to give her up and surrender it to God. I don't think i have fully understood what it meant as i know there will be days, months and months that i will go through that i will really want someone along aside that i can share and confide to but it was certain and i know that is something that is on God's heart. I felt in a loss but i know i had to make a choice. Blessing or cursing. Living or dying.:(
God, thank you for being so faithful and assuring again. I know something new is gonna happen but i pray that i will obey and walk through this closely with You. Help me x 10000000
Tee
With all that being said, the biggest issue that i have on hand was also something that God had spoke very clearly. It was in line to what i have always so feared to hear and that is to give her up and surrender it to God. I don't think i have fully understood what it meant as i know there will be days, months and months that i will go through that i will really want someone along aside that i can share and confide to but it was certain and i know that is something that is on God's heart. I felt in a loss but i know i had to make a choice. Blessing or cursing. Living or dying.:(
God, thank you for being so faithful and assuring again. I know something new is gonna happen but i pray that i will obey and walk through this closely with You. Help me x 10000000
Tee
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Rock bottom
Did i come to this point of my life to just do another stupid thing that i should have avoided completely? Questions like what was i learning all these years and did i not learn from my past mistakes so far? Why did i choose to do that was un needed and isn't this walk with God be something that is always going deeper? Why does mine seems like the first time i felt in love with God was the best time of my walk with Him and subsequently i'm just trying to stay alive and doing works that are meaningful yet it does not show what is really going on the inside?
I realize that i'm always lost and down for some reason. There seems to be more days that are gloomy and dark than bright sunny days where i would just rejoice that God is there for me and i can just be satisfied in Him and with Him alone. No. At least i feel it isn't suppose to be like that. Don't believe God placed so much stuff on earth just to make people sad and disappointed. It must be the wrong focus. A wrong mindset. A heart that needs to be stronger because of the realization that God is indeed good in my life. At where i am now, can i really shout? i want to. At this rock bottom where i screwed alot of things in my life and i don't have solutions to all that i am facing, God can you hear this. Teegan can u don't give up? You must pick yourself up because He came to seek and save the lost. If His love was not real then go ahead. Run far far away to a land that you can just waste your life and die without a purpose. Do it if you have concluded God isn't real in your life anymore. But i guess something that really kept me going all these years was that i could not find something else that would satisfy my heart's desire and leaving God really meant a meaningless, wasted life. i don't want that and i pray that i will never be found there.
What must be done. Let it be done. Let me not resist. Let me allow You, the living God, to come and make the change. If i missed out everything and am still lost. Let me be lost in Your great love for me. With that i don't wanna understand everything. i just wanna let You do it in my life. Let me mean it dear God.
I realize that i'm always lost and down for some reason. There seems to be more days that are gloomy and dark than bright sunny days where i would just rejoice that God is there for me and i can just be satisfied in Him and with Him alone. No. At least i feel it isn't suppose to be like that. Don't believe God placed so much stuff on earth just to make people sad and disappointed. It must be the wrong focus. A wrong mindset. A heart that needs to be stronger because of the realization that God is indeed good in my life. At where i am now, can i really shout? i want to. At this rock bottom where i screwed alot of things in my life and i don't have solutions to all that i am facing, God can you hear this. Teegan can u don't give up? You must pick yourself up because He came to seek and save the lost. If His love was not real then go ahead. Run far far away to a land that you can just waste your life and die without a purpose. Do it if you have concluded God isn't real in your life anymore. But i guess something that really kept me going all these years was that i could not find something else that would satisfy my heart's desire and leaving God really meant a meaningless, wasted life. i don't want that and i pray that i will never be found there.
What must be done. Let it be done. Let me not resist. Let me allow You, the living God, to come and make the change. If i missed out everything and am still lost. Let me be lost in Your great love for me. With that i don't wanna understand everything. i just wanna let You do it in my life. Let me mean it dear God.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Bless the Lord
Your life starts changing when you understand pain and what it brings after going through the process that God wants to bring you through. Does it mean its not hard anymore? i dont think so. But i guess the difference is our focus and it really helps us to endure and move further than what we normally can push ourselves.
Jeremiah 17:9 - “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
I think this verse is really making alot of sense as God begin to reveal what is in our hearts and what we think about each day. Often we get angry, disappointed, disgusted at what even our loved ones do and it really shocks me that when i look back seeing the thoughts i have towards them. God is indeed one who searches the deep things in our hearts and still He chooses to forgive us and love us. This love. Indeed it takes a lifetime to understand and to be embraced by it.
Something that is rather close to my heart nowadays is about resisting the Holy Spirit in my life. I felt that there are times where God stirred my heart to probably do this or that but because of fears/anxieties/self pity i find myself rejecting what God is trying to do through me and it often brings a sense of guilt and remorse after disobeying what God has placed in my heart. Surrender has become selective and songs can only remain as songs. There is just no more initmacy and trust that i can render to God and promises are no longer personal and what they are meant for.
Jeremiah 17:9 - “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
I think this verse is really making alot of sense as God begin to reveal what is in our hearts and what we think about each day. Often we get angry, disappointed, disgusted at what even our loved ones do and it really shocks me that when i look back seeing the thoughts i have towards them. God is indeed one who searches the deep things in our hearts and still He chooses to forgive us and love us. This love. Indeed it takes a lifetime to understand and to be embraced by it.
Something that is rather close to my heart nowadays is about resisting the Holy Spirit in my life. I felt that there are times where God stirred my heart to probably do this or that but because of fears/anxieties/self pity i find myself rejecting what God is trying to do through me and it often brings a sense of guilt and remorse after disobeying what God has placed in my heart. Surrender has become selective and songs can only remain as songs. There is just no more initmacy and trust that i can render to God and promises are no longer personal and what they are meant for.
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Down
Yes. Everyday of my life i hope i don't wake up. Partly due to what i need to face when i awake every morning and the things i know i should be doing but am not reaching where my potential is. I feel so weak, so disappointed with God, so hopeless each day. I feel like giving up on life per say. This life game is too hard for me to handle and just things i must change and things that i need to do. To end off with it, God is also in the midst of refining me but i just don't look forward to all that He is expanding and enlarging me in.
I feel like it has been a long long time that i last felt this way about life. Even back in army there were stuff that i did not need to care and that was just awesome. Was just contended coming to church, receiving from God and have a structured life in camp. Walk with God may not be so good but i knew that God was protecting me and every night i could just sleep in peace without needing to worry for anything.
Has God changed? No. then i guess i'm the one changing and it seems like a burdensome and tiring journey. Yet this is not according to the Word of God and i guess there are some lies that i have been believing and still unsure about the character of God and often times i find myself challenging God to prove to me that He is real in the aspect of providing for me and being really someone that cares for me. Well, don't you need to fight in this world to not lose out and how often or how far can your simple faith bring you to? I'm sure God honors faith but i guess there's a part of me that needs to learn what is planning ahead and how to strategically move on with God and making this life count for Him.
Feeling discouraged, beaten down isn't really a sign of defeat. Staying in it is. And for me to be angry at myself and still needing to pick myself up is really something i really struggle. Can i just give up? Can i just throw in the towel? God, i sincerely ask that You will guide me out of this place that i am in. I cannot take it anymore. My heart is bleeding as i walk with You.
I feel like it has been a long long time that i last felt this way about life. Even back in army there were stuff that i did not need to care and that was just awesome. Was just contended coming to church, receiving from God and have a structured life in camp. Walk with God may not be so good but i knew that God was protecting me and every night i could just sleep in peace without needing to worry for anything.
Has God changed? No. then i guess i'm the one changing and it seems like a burdensome and tiring journey. Yet this is not according to the Word of God and i guess there are some lies that i have been believing and still unsure about the character of God and often times i find myself challenging God to prove to me that He is real in the aspect of providing for me and being really someone that cares for me. Well, don't you need to fight in this world to not lose out and how often or how far can your simple faith bring you to? I'm sure God honors faith but i guess there's a part of me that needs to learn what is planning ahead and how to strategically move on with God and making this life count for Him.
Feeling discouraged, beaten down isn't really a sign of defeat. Staying in it is. And for me to be angry at myself and still needing to pick myself up is really something i really struggle. Can i just give up? Can i just throw in the towel? God, i sincerely ask that You will guide me out of this place that i am in. I cannot take it anymore. My heart is bleeding as i walk with You.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Valley
The results of my SIM year 1 has finally been released after 3 months of rotting and remembering the days that i mugged and wasted my days away is such a regret. I failed econs and stats 2 and thats what i feared about to the point that i threw everything else to just study econs but still i did not make it and even my friends all passed it to make things worst. I guess thats the consequence of sin and not stewarding my studies that God has entrusted to me and that really saddened my heart as i know/claim that God wanted me to be here.
Its not just the studies but also life in general i suppose. I feel that being undetermined sucks. Sometimes i rather be wrong all the way and know that at least i'm wrong and learn something from it but this attitude/character of mine is seriously too cannot be bothered and weak to press on. I am utterly disgusted by myself yet i am the one choosing my day to day choices. To those that hope in me, my heart can't take this whole disappointment that i will bring to them and probably to those that thought i am just a simple guy who loves God. I don't. at least not with my life that i am living now and nothing is being accomplished from the moment i came church. I feel that there is just nothing valuable that i have allowed God to work through me.
GOd. can i give up? can u change something? or at least stop this life from going into ruins.
Its not just the studies but also life in general i suppose. I feel that being undetermined sucks. Sometimes i rather be wrong all the way and know that at least i'm wrong and learn something from it but this attitude/character of mine is seriously too cannot be bothered and weak to press on. I am utterly disgusted by myself yet i am the one choosing my day to day choices. To those that hope in me, my heart can't take this whole disappointment that i will bring to them and probably to those that thought i am just a simple guy who loves God. I don't. at least not with my life that i am living now and nothing is being accomplished from the moment i came church. I feel that there is just nothing valuable that i have allowed God to work through me.
GOd. can i give up? can u change something? or at least stop this life from going into ruins.
Saturday, August 10, 2013
One life
Everyday i wake, i hope that God. You take a hold of me. Help me to focus on that which is important to you and not just interested on things on earth. I feel down. like there's no motivation to do what i need to do in my heart. Perhaps just following the flow and not too bad for my own standard but deep inside there is a desire to know God. Throwing away stuff doesnt help, Taking more stuff is not something i wanna try.
Yet...Yet... Something inside is not satisfied. Just not satisfied. God, i'm not satisfied.
Yet...Yet... Something inside is not satisfied. Just not satisfied. God, i'm not satisfied.
Thursday, August 8, 2013
loving hurts
Yes, if you ever did love people with your heart it must have hurt so badly. Cause humans fails and no one is perfect. I was so angry today that my parents didn't let me hang out with Ernest and gang. But the thing that really hurts is that i still do not have the trust and approval from my parents to be seen as a independent guy. Yes i admit that i'm probably childish for my age and because living under the favoritism that my relatives and family gave me really allowed me not to grow but just dwell in their love when i always make mistakes and taking stuff for granted. I know its not something i blame them for but rather i kinda hate myself for this. This very road i chose that cause me to feel that i wasted my life living for so long yet not being able to help or be a strength to anyone.
I felt so hurt that i swear so much that for the past few years didn't amount to what i prayed just now. I feel that its so hard to love and not get hurt. Wait. Now that i typed this i realized its impossible. I tried loving my family by trying to spend more time with them and just wasting time but yet this is how they see me. I feel angry yet useless. Looking at how others at my age at already enjoying the freedom that i think i will only achieve when i moved out of my parents house perhaps and all i could blame is myself for being so immature in their eyes.
GOd. i give up. But please don't give up on me. Teach me how to love like You have loved me. I commit this life again to Your hands. Use it as You will again.
I felt so hurt that i swear so much that for the past few years didn't amount to what i prayed just now. I feel that its so hard to love and not get hurt. Wait. Now that i typed this i realized its impossible. I tried loving my family by trying to spend more time with them and just wasting time but yet this is how they see me. I feel angry yet useless. Looking at how others at my age at already enjoying the freedom that i think i will only achieve when i moved out of my parents house perhaps and all i could blame is myself for being so immature in their eyes.
GOd. i give up. But please don't give up on me. Teach me how to love like You have loved me. I commit this life again to Your hands. Use it as You will again.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
SIM FOC camp
It was a short 3 days 2 nights camp and its my first since i did not went when i was a freshie. I missed the finale night and it turns out that many said that it was the best part of the camp. sigh. The games were not very fun until the water games came into place and i just felt the other part of Tee became evident and started to lead people in winning the game though we lost still but i am sure everyone enjoyed it and had a fun time of bonding together. It taught me quite abit as i was into the game and i asked myself what is that which i must focus on and how to take off from here. Yes, its about Him in our lives and we will be able to play it to the fullest.
I often find myself depending on other people emotionally. What is it that causes people to keep searching and finding that love that we need? The void that is so evident in the lives of everyone. Paul shared with me that its because of sin that separated us from God and it is not the same anymore thus this search of that which may fill our hearts to feel of what we were made for. That didnt make sense until i went to mediate and ponder about it. Yes, i guess thats why we always don't feel satisfied. Because we always want to find that original blueprint of what we were made for.
Lord, be my personal Lord and Savior each day of my life. I want to learn and continue this walk with You. Teach me again and again and again.
I often find myself depending on other people emotionally. What is it that causes people to keep searching and finding that love that we need? The void that is so evident in the lives of everyone. Paul shared with me that its because of sin that separated us from God and it is not the same anymore thus this search of that which may fill our hearts to feel of what we were made for. That didnt make sense until i went to mediate and ponder about it. Yes, i guess thats why we always don't feel satisfied. Because we always want to find that original blueprint of what we were made for.
Lord, be my personal Lord and Savior each day of my life. I want to learn and continue this walk with You. Teach me again and again and again.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
35/40 days into Fasting & Prayer
Yes. Its finally coming to an end of this fasting and prayer season. Sounds of relief and no more of the dying process is really something i look forward and indeed, mindsets are changed and humbled this period as God begin to take away physical strength and more of dependence for Him each day and what we are always involved in.
Before evening service started, Hongling asked if there were testimony that what God did that we wanted to thank God for and i thought real hard to examine if there was any stuff that God really did through me or in me but to no avail. Questions came crashing my mind if there was really nothing that God did this period? Well if you ask me the most memorable one would be fasting in bangkok during my family trip and that really frustrated me greatly when i need to fast while i'm on a holiday and it humbled me as i was weak and there was just a reliance and focus on God even though i was just busy shopping and enjoying my time away.
Is that all? While you hear of how God use other people to do so much more and how God open doors to reach their loved ones and how they took the step of faith to see what He is beginning to do. Deep in my heart i felt i wanted it too. Not the outward where people respond to you but more of being able to let God use you in where He placed you and a new movement where we can bring Jesus into the hearts of people.
Today Pastor asked if we ever wondered why we still exist on earth? I had an answer which was to know Him more and more each day but i thought about it in a more serious manner and i realize wouldn't it be easier if He brings us back to heaven where we will see Him face to face? I'm sure we will know Him and it really kept me thinking what is it that is really important that we are still placed on this earth then. And Pastor emphasized that there are people who are desperate to hear the gospel and its part of fulfilling our destiny in Him and why we still exist on earth to this day. I, for one, know that these 6 years of being in church have not been bringing people to church or rather the knowledge of Christ in where God has placed me. It has always been struggles that i am going through and there is always this fear of telling someone about God and what He is doing in my life.
So often i feel that the work that He tries to do in me is always halfway as i tend to give up easily. I wonder to myself when is it that i will be a testimony for God and be someone that can make a difference in my friends and family life. I want to. I hope that from today i would not just talk about it but i will preach Christ with my life and the conversations that God will usher and lead.
God. help me today. Help me not look back at what i have been doing all along but i wanna focus on what You want to bring and how i can be that which You have meant me to be. I want to move forward with You. Teach my heart to be teachable again. In Jesus name, Amen.
Before evening service started, Hongling asked if there were testimony that what God did that we wanted to thank God for and i thought real hard to examine if there was any stuff that God really did through me or in me but to no avail. Questions came crashing my mind if there was really nothing that God did this period? Well if you ask me the most memorable one would be fasting in bangkok during my family trip and that really frustrated me greatly when i need to fast while i'm on a holiday and it humbled me as i was weak and there was just a reliance and focus on God even though i was just busy shopping and enjoying my time away.
Is that all? While you hear of how God use other people to do so much more and how God open doors to reach their loved ones and how they took the step of faith to see what He is beginning to do. Deep in my heart i felt i wanted it too. Not the outward where people respond to you but more of being able to let God use you in where He placed you and a new movement where we can bring Jesus into the hearts of people.
Today Pastor asked if we ever wondered why we still exist on earth? I had an answer which was to know Him more and more each day but i thought about it in a more serious manner and i realize wouldn't it be easier if He brings us back to heaven where we will see Him face to face? I'm sure we will know Him and it really kept me thinking what is it that is really important that we are still placed on this earth then. And Pastor emphasized that there are people who are desperate to hear the gospel and its part of fulfilling our destiny in Him and why we still exist on earth to this day. I, for one, know that these 6 years of being in church have not been bringing people to church or rather the knowledge of Christ in where God has placed me. It has always been struggles that i am going through and there is always this fear of telling someone about God and what He is doing in my life.
So often i feel that the work that He tries to do in me is always halfway as i tend to give up easily. I wonder to myself when is it that i will be a testimony for God and be someone that can make a difference in my friends and family life. I want to. I hope that from today i would not just talk about it but i will preach Christ with my life and the conversations that God will usher and lead.
God. help me today. Help me not look back at what i have been doing all along but i wanna focus on what You want to bring and how i can be that which You have meant me to be. I want to move forward with You. Teach my heart to be teachable again. In Jesus name, Amen.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Thoughts about life
Here i am. thinking deep abour what life really is again. As i wake to ask myself why am i given this life? Or maybe what can i do with this life? Am i really able to make full use of it and use it for God? What am i really trying to achieve and accomplish? God why did You give me this day?
I concluded once again. Its a lifetime with God. And He looks at our hearts every time we go wrong and make right with Him again. He knows every time we given our best and how He will enlarge our lives for His purpose and certainly times where we did not. The basic fact is like running. Every time you give your best you will improve and it will be seen in the next run.
But something that i took along as i asked myself what will be tested as you keep picking yourself up and run with God. I guess something that kenny asked that made me clearer in my thoughts was Why are you always wanting to do what you do? Why confess your sins? Why keep making right? Why keep choosing to live a life righteous before God? And i guess for me, it is that first God is real and its really a personal race that we don't need to compare with anyone.
With that i meant like seeing others running faster can encourage/inspire us, but God already know how much that speed that we are going is for us. He knows the widow that gave all that she lived on and He commented that it was more than anyone else that she gave. God is personal and we should when we worship Him instead of looking elsewhere.
Our hearts need love. Whether you admit it or not. So today if you are not finding your love in God, you will finding it elsewhere. Even probably your christian friends or ppl who are close to you. Things that bring u temporal pleasure and comfort. Yes. We all have a void in our hearts and everyday we seek for the things that we think will satisfy. So, today choose which side you wanna serve. The things that you consciously feed on and what not. Today this gift of life is given to you. Treasure it. Yes i'm talking to you Teegan. Its not over. You can still choose and make right that which needs to be put right. Jiayou.
I concluded once again. Its a lifetime with God. And He looks at our hearts every time we go wrong and make right with Him again. He knows every time we given our best and how He will enlarge our lives for His purpose and certainly times where we did not. The basic fact is like running. Every time you give your best you will improve and it will be seen in the next run.
But something that i took along as i asked myself what will be tested as you keep picking yourself up and run with God. I guess something that kenny asked that made me clearer in my thoughts was Why are you always wanting to do what you do? Why confess your sins? Why keep making right? Why keep choosing to live a life righteous before God? And i guess for me, it is that first God is real and its really a personal race that we don't need to compare with anyone.
With that i meant like seeing others running faster can encourage/inspire us, but God already know how much that speed that we are going is for us. He knows the widow that gave all that she lived on and He commented that it was more than anyone else that she gave. God is personal and we should when we worship Him instead of looking elsewhere.
Our hearts need love. Whether you admit it or not. So today if you are not finding your love in God, you will finding it elsewhere. Even probably your christian friends or ppl who are close to you. Things that bring u temporal pleasure and comfort. Yes. We all have a void in our hearts and everyday we seek for the things that we think will satisfy. So, today choose which side you wanna serve. The things that you consciously feed on and what not. Today this gift of life is given to you. Treasure it. Yes i'm talking to you Teegan. Its not over. You can still choose and make right that which needs to be put right. Jiayou.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Back from Bangkok
Its been 3 years since i last went overseas with my family? i don't remember what is really the last time we spent time together actually. This family trip has been a tiring and not-to-bad trip for me. Learnt more about my family and just wasting time together.
I thought about stuff as usual whenever i had free time during the trip. I was really struggling badly with the change sex culture and all but what really puzzle me is this. Why are they so determined to change sex despite the judgmental looks and opinions they get from everyone else? What is that which they hold on to so strongly in their lives? This kept me thinking and i reasoned that there may be disappointments in their life that they do not wanna be who they were created to be but instead being someone else.
It boils down to what we are all living for at the end of the day i suppose? Why struggle and go through life if you don't have something you wanna achieve? Isn't that mainly just existing and walking around aimlessly?
As this 40 days of fasting and prayer continues, it really humbles me and God seems to be emptying what is really inside of me. As i was looking back, i realize that i started to forsake some of the stuff that i have been holding on to since young. It served as my security and without it, i feel really lost and empty. I thought back of the games i usually spend my time in and how it spurred me on to wake up each day and having something to live for was really something i look forward to but as always games always reach a stage where a new stage of emptiness caves into you and you don't wanna play it anymore. This just makes life more saddening than before and often needing something else to fill my loneliness.
So after a long long long long while, i concluded. Life is about validating what you truly wanna live for. I can feel sad, empty, happy, frustrated, joyful etc but what is it that i wanna wake up each day is what i really the point of why im given this life. And i feel that it can be said in this way. If God is real follow Him, while if God isn't then do everything your own ways. While our lifestyle strengthens us to do what we wanna do, it seems like a direction deep in our heart got to be determined first. Its like running in a direction where u know u wanna complete a race, having in mind to finish the race. Yet, its not that simple nor complicated. Its about the choices of your everyday life and a constant reminder of why we live that we have to tell ourselves.
God. Its really hard. Help me to help myself.
I thought about stuff as usual whenever i had free time during the trip. I was really struggling badly with the change sex culture and all but what really puzzle me is this. Why are they so determined to change sex despite the judgmental looks and opinions they get from everyone else? What is that which they hold on to so strongly in their lives? This kept me thinking and i reasoned that there may be disappointments in their life that they do not wanna be who they were created to be but instead being someone else.
It boils down to what we are all living for at the end of the day i suppose? Why struggle and go through life if you don't have something you wanna achieve? Isn't that mainly just existing and walking around aimlessly?
As this 40 days of fasting and prayer continues, it really humbles me and God seems to be emptying what is really inside of me. As i was looking back, i realize that i started to forsake some of the stuff that i have been holding on to since young. It served as my security and without it, i feel really lost and empty. I thought back of the games i usually spend my time in and how it spurred me on to wake up each day and having something to live for was really something i look forward to but as always games always reach a stage where a new stage of emptiness caves into you and you don't wanna play it anymore. This just makes life more saddening than before and often needing something else to fill my loneliness.
So after a long long long long while, i concluded. Life is about validating what you truly wanna live for. I can feel sad, empty, happy, frustrated, joyful etc but what is it that i wanna wake up each day is what i really the point of why im given this life. And i feel that it can be said in this way. If God is real follow Him, while if God isn't then do everything your own ways. While our lifestyle strengthens us to do what we wanna do, it seems like a direction deep in our heart got to be determined first. Its like running in a direction where u know u wanna complete a race, having in mind to finish the race. Yet, its not that simple nor complicated. Its about the choices of your everyday life and a constant reminder of why we live that we have to tell ourselves.
God. Its really hard. Help me to help myself.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Frustrated
It has been the 10th day of the fast and its finally taking its toil in the flesh. This week i have decided to do the 6am to 6pm fast and as expected, its more dying than i want to fight it. Its only Wednesday but i felt like 2 weeks of temptation came crashing over me within this 3 days.
Today is a special day where for once i felt really frustrated with God. Was working in soup restaurant and i found myself giving my best yet i think to myself after probably one month of hard work which i don't think i can work everyday, i only earn like 600bucks a month. After all the cleaning and strength put into clearing the dishes and washing the cups, i sub consciously thought of my few other past jobs that were just sitting in the office and waiting for time to pass. It was such a luxury to make milo and have some snacks while just waiting for time to be up.
But that was not why i was so frustrated per say. Firstly, i don't know if this is where God really wants me to be and somewhere in my heart i felt that God promised that He will provide but my bank account is nearing 2 digits and if i don't take this job it will mean that i won't be able to even give my mission pledges and much more survive from day to day. I have been reading about how Peter was amazed when Jesus told him to let his nets to the right side and a large amount of fishes were caught and Peter was convinced that God is just amazing in His own ways but somehow i don't see it in my life. It seems when i asked God what is His plan for me this holiday, He is always quiet. Well, or probably i'm not ready to receive all that He wants to give me but i'm really confuse.
Since my exams are over i have been actively searching for a job and it seems doors are consistently being closed. I had 4 months in total but now its already halfway through and i look at myself and i count it quite a failure as i did not achieve much this holidays and i know i will not get such a chance to have such a long break anymore. Goddddddddd.. say something..let me hear it too.
Had cell today and was quite worried as i was playing guitar. The cords were hard though i practiced and it was really hard to hear if i am in tune or not. But end up due to miscommunication i didn't play and we sang a sweet aroma to God without the music. The time was short but i just felt we could worship and just enter the presence of God.
I think something that still lingers in my heart is what boss said about how she felt about me. In as much as i want to deny it or see it or acknowledge it, i felt that it is really not as important now yet i know half of me is probably avoiding and God has indeed been more focus on things that are probably more urgent and aligning my focus on what i need to learn and grow in this period. Yet deep down i felt sad. Not that she doesn't accept me but more like oh so there's really no natural inclination between us. Well, i guess there are a lot of things we don't acquire it naturally and some examples are probably discipline, changes that we consistently make to make our lives more fruitful but i guess deep down i really wanted something natural. Something that i don't need to make a effort to reach for. At least thats how i feel love should be in this current moment yet i know this isn't me that i am wanting to have but since He who promised is faithful then i hope i will continue to follow Him and trust what He has prepared instead of finding my own stuff to love and accept. Its always dying when God deals emotionally and its something i really want to run away since i feel lousy that people will not love me for who i am plainly. But God, let this period of fasting and prayer be one that align my mindset and desire to You and as i follow You, i just want to see what You see and pursuit all that is close to Your heart.
Today is a special day where for once i felt really frustrated with God. Was working in soup restaurant and i found myself giving my best yet i think to myself after probably one month of hard work which i don't think i can work everyday, i only earn like 600bucks a month. After all the cleaning and strength put into clearing the dishes and washing the cups, i sub consciously thought of my few other past jobs that were just sitting in the office and waiting for time to pass. It was such a luxury to make milo and have some snacks while just waiting for time to be up.
But that was not why i was so frustrated per say. Firstly, i don't know if this is where God really wants me to be and somewhere in my heart i felt that God promised that He will provide but my bank account is nearing 2 digits and if i don't take this job it will mean that i won't be able to even give my mission pledges and much more survive from day to day. I have been reading about how Peter was amazed when Jesus told him to let his nets to the right side and a large amount of fishes were caught and Peter was convinced that God is just amazing in His own ways but somehow i don't see it in my life. It seems when i asked God what is His plan for me this holiday, He is always quiet. Well, or probably i'm not ready to receive all that He wants to give me but i'm really confuse.
Since my exams are over i have been actively searching for a job and it seems doors are consistently being closed. I had 4 months in total but now its already halfway through and i look at myself and i count it quite a failure as i did not achieve much this holidays and i know i will not get such a chance to have such a long break anymore. Goddddddddd.. say something..let me hear it too.
Had cell today and was quite worried as i was playing guitar. The cords were hard though i practiced and it was really hard to hear if i am in tune or not. But end up due to miscommunication i didn't play and we sang a sweet aroma to God without the music. The time was short but i just felt we could worship and just enter the presence of God.
I think something that still lingers in my heart is what boss said about how she felt about me. In as much as i want to deny it or see it or acknowledge it, i felt that it is really not as important now yet i know half of me is probably avoiding and God has indeed been more focus on things that are probably more urgent and aligning my focus on what i need to learn and grow in this period. Yet deep down i felt sad. Not that she doesn't accept me but more like oh so there's really no natural inclination between us. Well, i guess there are a lot of things we don't acquire it naturally and some examples are probably discipline, changes that we consistently make to make our lives more fruitful but i guess deep down i really wanted something natural. Something that i don't need to make a effort to reach for. At least thats how i feel love should be in this current moment yet i know this isn't me that i am wanting to have but since He who promised is faithful then i hope i will continue to follow Him and trust what He has prepared instead of finding my own stuff to love and accept. Its always dying when God deals emotionally and its something i really want to run away since i feel lousy that people will not love me for who i am plainly. But God, let this period of fasting and prayer be one that align my mindset and desire to You and as i follow You, i just want to see what You see and pursuit all that is close to Your heart.
Friday, July 5, 2013
Brokeness
Yes i failed. That which i hold on to so tightly slipped out of my hand once again. To me it was a bitter defeat, unresolved desires, healing that has yet to come, things that my mind could not concieve.
To me i felt that this period is the best moment i have with God. Just soaking in His Word, praying for people and just drawing close to Him. In my natural mind i thought this will mean a breakthrough. That which i could not use to overcome should come like a breeze since the closeness of God is so evident in my life.
But...i was wrong. Today i realize that people who were close to God had their own set of weakness that God needs to deal with. One person that came to my mind was Peter where Jesus told him that he is peter and upon this rock He will build His church. Yet at the next moment, Peter was rebuked for not being mindful of the things of God. This is also true when Jesus died and Peter went back to fishing only to be restored when Jesus appeared to Him and reinstate his love for God.
What a revelation.. That at where we are there are still stuff that God wanna deal with us, making us vessels of honour that are of use for His kingdom.
On the side note, i think today is the day where i cried the most probably in my whole life. Since on the bus i was already tearing and throughout the whole Praise and Worship, tears just streamed down as i come before God and words just could not express how i felt and i just broke down when He assured me that He was pleased with me first. Not the things i did to gain His favor. What personal touch that cannot be expressed by words or physical actions.
This is it God. Deal with me. As i come before You in humility and standing upon Your unchanging grace.
To me i felt that this period is the best moment i have with God. Just soaking in His Word, praying for people and just drawing close to Him. In my natural mind i thought this will mean a breakthrough. That which i could not use to overcome should come like a breeze since the closeness of God is so evident in my life.
But...i was wrong. Today i realize that people who were close to God had their own set of weakness that God needs to deal with. One person that came to my mind was Peter where Jesus told him that he is peter and upon this rock He will build His church. Yet at the next moment, Peter was rebuked for not being mindful of the things of God. This is also true when Jesus died and Peter went back to fishing only to be restored when Jesus appeared to Him and reinstate his love for God.
What a revelation.. That at where we are there are still stuff that God wanna deal with us, making us vessels of honour that are of use for His kingdom.
On the side note, i think today is the day where i cried the most probably in my whole life. Since on the bus i was already tearing and throughout the whole Praise and Worship, tears just streamed down as i come before God and words just could not express how i felt and i just broke down when He assured me that He was pleased with me first. Not the things i did to gain His favor. What personal touch that cannot be expressed by words or physical actions.
This is it God. Deal with me. As i come before You in humility and standing upon Your unchanging grace.
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
Surrender
Yes. When u surrender to God all that you have and the desires that are hidden deep within. Thats when you are the strongest.
Because its no longer i who live but Christ that lives in me, who love me and gave himself for me.
Because its no longer i who live but Christ that lives in me, who love me and gave himself for me.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
40 days of fasting
If it doesn't change anything, change me.
If there will still be fear in my heart, let Your love come.
Your kingdom come, Your Will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:12-14
If there will still be fear in my heart, let Your love come.
Your kingdom come, Your Will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:12-14
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Better is one day
This 2 days has been long. like really long. Recently i have been hiding in National library to do my readings and devotion. It is just the perfect place to just read and think and mediate and look at whoever that is creating a din at almost everywhere. Im gonna study there one day after school reopens. The serenity and concentration is beyond measure.
Well, yesterday was a unique day for me. wanted to head to swee lee to ask if they need a cashier/part time worker but as i was about to head out, soup restaurant called. It has almost been a month and honestly i lost hope that they would only need weekends workers thus my application is just misplaced or thrown away somewhere in their database. Was really elated at first as i thought that was the way God will bring me out of poverty but it was not so after a while of praying and seeking God. What?! Questioning the job that came to find you? Did not God open this door for you already?
His Word came. 7 times Elijah called his servant to go out and check if there was rain. And it was not till the seventh time that a cloud that was like a fist could be seen. And there was the earthquake, fire and all other things but God was not in it. God is the still small voice that came after. I felt that He stirred my heart to help out in PTFT for 2 weeks. HMMMMMMM. I know deep in my heart there was still a fear that if God does not come through im dead. While my parents consistently bug me to find a job and not laze around which is also my desire, i know that in my heart Poverty still exists and God wants to take me out of that before seeing the rain come to past.
It was tough. Not being able to jump straight to the job that came searching for me. Today i still went for the interview at the soup restaurant. I reasoned that God did not say it was not this job but rather it was not this time that i was to accept it.
But looking back at this whole thing i came to this conclusion. I think i really hold close to what my parents say about me and in as much as i don't get impress by them, its like a trust that i place in their words and what they think even. I don't think i need their acceptance as much as i was in my secondary school days but sure enough it still affects with their everyday effort to finance this family with their time and love.
Yet having said that i know that God will continue to lead me out of this situation. My only worry is that i don't know how to face my parents and explain that i'm trusting a God who will provide in His timing.
Looking at the brighter side, i have been receiving quite a bit from my devotions. Time at NLB is just amazingly good for me. Being close to God seems to be a past time and its like spending hours with ur best friend. Some of which i feel that i don't understand or quite confuse about as it does not just concern me per say. I don't know how long more it will sustain but i do pray that i will just enjoy being in His presence everyday. I know i can because His desire to meet with me is stronger than mine. =D
God, let everything i start doing or want to do have a foundation that You are first in it and You are with me. If Your presence is not there, i hope i won't be too. Renew my mind everyday that will align my emotions to help me walk Your will in my life. Let the focus be You and i know the rest will fall in place. Be my best friend God!
Well, yesterday was a unique day for me. wanted to head to swee lee to ask if they need a cashier/part time worker but as i was about to head out, soup restaurant called. It has almost been a month and honestly i lost hope that they would only need weekends workers thus my application is just misplaced or thrown away somewhere in their database. Was really elated at first as i thought that was the way God will bring me out of poverty but it was not so after a while of praying and seeking God. What?! Questioning the job that came to find you? Did not God open this door for you already?
His Word came. 7 times Elijah called his servant to go out and check if there was rain. And it was not till the seventh time that a cloud that was like a fist could be seen. And there was the earthquake, fire and all other things but God was not in it. God is the still small voice that came after. I felt that He stirred my heart to help out in PTFT for 2 weeks. HMMMMMMM. I know deep in my heart there was still a fear that if God does not come through im dead. While my parents consistently bug me to find a job and not laze around which is also my desire, i know that in my heart Poverty still exists and God wants to take me out of that before seeing the rain come to past.
It was tough. Not being able to jump straight to the job that came searching for me. Today i still went for the interview at the soup restaurant. I reasoned that God did not say it was not this job but rather it was not this time that i was to accept it.
But looking back at this whole thing i came to this conclusion. I think i really hold close to what my parents say about me and in as much as i don't get impress by them, its like a trust that i place in their words and what they think even. I don't think i need their acceptance as much as i was in my secondary school days but sure enough it still affects with their everyday effort to finance this family with their time and love.
Yet having said that i know that God will continue to lead me out of this situation. My only worry is that i don't know how to face my parents and explain that i'm trusting a God who will provide in His timing.
Looking at the brighter side, i have been receiving quite a bit from my devotions. Time at NLB is just amazingly good for me. Being close to God seems to be a past time and its like spending hours with ur best friend. Some of which i feel that i don't understand or quite confuse about as it does not just concern me per say. I don't know how long more it will sustain but i do pray that i will just enjoy being in His presence everyday. I know i can because His desire to meet with me is stronger than mine. =D
God, let everything i start doing or want to do have a foundation that You are first in it and You are with me. If Your presence is not there, i hope i won't be too. Renew my mind everyday that will align my emotions to help me walk Your will in my life. Let the focus be You and i know the rest will fall in place. Be my best friend God!
Sunday, June 23, 2013
A bold step
I lost it. Ever since i went to SIM Econs and Finance i should have known. That God was a crazy God and things that does not make sense is what He wants for my life.
Today was a prayer time with the core group and it was really a time of refreshment and empowering. Lights were off and worship was just natural. Only thing was that God stirred me to do something crazy within the group. I honestly struggled and it was a time where i know the voice of God has spoken to edify and bring such a timely word in people's life. For a moment i thought i went mad. The unseen fear that gripped my heart was something i don't think i will forget. It was just uncomfortable if i don't get the voice out of my heart. One of the only times where i am so sure the word comes from God and not myself.
I understand that Jesus was crazy. I mean the things He did and how He healed blind men by spitting and touching their eyes. Its just not realistic non practical to do that. Isn't a simple prayer enough to have the same effect? Yet God says in His Word that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. I know that today marks a scar in my Christian life as i remembered loving God that much before that i wanted to just obey him and do what He tells me to do. Such obedience and simplicity. Been ages since i last experienced that. =)
God, cause such lifestyle to seek You daily be found in mine today. Let all that You desire begin to come to past as i don't stop repenting & learning from all that You wanna teach. Let me hold on to the things that will keep me close to You.
Today was a prayer time with the core group and it was really a time of refreshment and empowering. Lights were off and worship was just natural. Only thing was that God stirred me to do something crazy within the group. I honestly struggled and it was a time where i know the voice of God has spoken to edify and bring such a timely word in people's life. For a moment i thought i went mad. The unseen fear that gripped my heart was something i don't think i will forget. It was just uncomfortable if i don't get the voice out of my heart. One of the only times where i am so sure the word comes from God and not myself.
I understand that Jesus was crazy. I mean the things He did and how He healed blind men by spitting and touching their eyes. Its just not realistic non practical to do that. Isn't a simple prayer enough to have the same effect? Yet God says in His Word that His ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts. I know that today marks a scar in my Christian life as i remembered loving God that much before that i wanted to just obey him and do what He tells me to do. Such obedience and simplicity. Been ages since i last experienced that. =)
God, cause such lifestyle to seek You daily be found in mine today. Let all that You desire begin to come to past as i don't stop repenting & learning from all that You wanna teach. Let me hold on to the things that will keep me close to You.
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Step by Step
Today was such a awesome day. I got the chance to lead worship again and i felt that it was such a breakthrough. For the first time in my life there was no strive, no teegan, away from what people may receive or any thoughts that hindered what was in my heart.
I felt that the Holy Spirit took control and it was such a enjoyable moment to be in and to be used by God. The people responded and i just felt that it was a moment where the Presence of God came and ministered to different ones who did not went for the camp. Indeed when one is surrendered to God, it just brings such aroma and pleasing offering that is being offered to Him first, flowing to the people who are around us.
But with all that said, i know that God wants me to hold it tightly as the people will not always respond in such encouraging ways but it is something that God has placed in my heart to lead and worship with such a resolution and inspiration. Indeed it is a curse that the people of God cannot communicate with God when they believe things are able to separate them from the love of God. Such refuse and determination to speak it out and push it back, taking back all that is ours is no joke. I believe soon it will be a norm and disappointments will just set in.
So God, this is my prayer today.
Everyday of my life, renew my mind.
Let me focus on the things that are important.
Redirect my emotions
Help me to work Your works instead of relying on my feelings
This shall be something that i hold on to for this period of my life.
1 Corinthians 2:9
However, as it is written:
I felt that the Holy Spirit took control and it was such a enjoyable moment to be in and to be used by God. The people responded and i just felt that it was a moment where the Presence of God came and ministered to different ones who did not went for the camp. Indeed when one is surrendered to God, it just brings such aroma and pleasing offering that is being offered to Him first, flowing to the people who are around us.
But with all that said, i know that God wants me to hold it tightly as the people will not always respond in such encouraging ways but it is something that God has placed in my heart to lead and worship with such a resolution and inspiration. Indeed it is a curse that the people of God cannot communicate with God when they believe things are able to separate them from the love of God. Such refuse and determination to speak it out and push it back, taking back all that is ours is no joke. I believe soon it will be a norm and disappointments will just set in.
So God, this is my prayer today.
Everyday of my life, renew my mind.
Let me focus on the things that are important.
Redirect my emotions
Help me to work Your works instead of relying on my feelings
This shall be something that i hold on to for this period of my life.
1 Corinthians 2:9
However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love him
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”
the things God has prepared for those who love him
Friday, June 21, 2013
Post Church Camp 2013
Honestly, the food was okay. The people were few & it didn't started well for me. Went to the camp with a heavy yet expecten heart. But after the whole 5 days have ended, i felt that this was my best church camp i ever had.
If i could sum up everything i will put it this way. i felt that more than having answers to my solutions and directions that i want to hear from God, it will be Him changing the position that i was in before the camp had started. This position is this. Being near to God.
i certainly don't think its a coincident that i was reading Drawing Near by John Bevere that lured my heart to the heart of God. It once again reminded me that after all that we will do/serve/get hurt/disappointed with, the point of all this is to get near to Himself. What comfort it brings to the soul and mind.
Something special about this camp was that i felt God spoke during the missions service. Not that i have a specific calling or what but more of He told me "Have He not send me to Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the world?" I think its really the first time in my whole Christian life that i heard this call in such a personally and genuine voice. All along i guess i can feel that God loves people so i guess i will try and see how i may love them and bring them to the knowledge of Christ but often fears and disappointments set in causing me to lose focus on what is His heartbeat is. This was not just a call but a anointing that will go with it to reach the lost.
On the more personally side, i felt that God spoke a personal voice about my life partner!! HEHEHE. It was during a weird time where worship was about to end and normally we were just ready for lunch and all that. I felt that God entrusted her to me like a gift. It struck me quite badly as the emotions and voices raged inside of me. OFten it was if i was good enough or are we really meant to be in His will but there was fear of not being good enough for her and indeed it takes 2 to clap and all that. Losing faith and leaning to my self pity, i felt it was always safer to beat yourself down and not dream about it. Ushering myself far away from all the interaction i can have with her, i felt that it was how i saw myself as a person because there are voices that constantly reminding im not good enough not just for my life partner but for what i can do for God. This was a issue i thought i have come out a little better than i was before but as God reveal bit by bit i realise He wants to continue to deal with it deep in my heart.
It was a great encouragement as i got to lead worship on 2 days of the devotion. Honestly i count myself a traitor as i removed myself from core group and went to find God in my own ways. Being able to lead again is not about if i was talented or able to but more of having the honor to do it for west zone was just mercy beyond mercy that God has granted to me. BUt the best of it all came during the last devotion where i told the people that in this camp, it was a lifestyle that we need to bring back more than answers or directions. And amazingly God used Ps Rajan to preach about a lifestyle to bring back too as we encounter trials and storms when we are back here in Singapore. God is just cool in His own ways. So assuring and comforting.
I cried badly during the camp. It was times where God was so real in my life once again. I remembered one of the services where i just felt that Who is man that He should be concern for. Moreover a disobedient one and looking at my past i certainly didn't earn it nor in any way deserve it. It was just like the first love kind of feeling and experience all over again. What more is there to ask for when He is already real in my life.
In short i just felt it was one of the most defining camp of my whole life. There are things that are addressed and it seems like i can finally leave Egypt to the promised land. Does that mean i will not fall or the future will be a breeze? i don't think so and judging how it has been in the past i feel that testings are gonna shake them so badly but i know now its all different. Something inside broke. Something inside was replaced and now i can stand in the grace of God so that i know why i try again in the future. Its just so assuring and never changing when u place your hope in a unchanging God.
So then, let church camp 2013 begin. =D
If i could sum up everything i will put it this way. i felt that more than having answers to my solutions and directions that i want to hear from God, it will be Him changing the position that i was in before the camp had started. This position is this. Being near to God.
i certainly don't think its a coincident that i was reading Drawing Near by John Bevere that lured my heart to the heart of God. It once again reminded me that after all that we will do/serve/get hurt/disappointed with, the point of all this is to get near to Himself. What comfort it brings to the soul and mind.
Something special about this camp was that i felt God spoke during the missions service. Not that i have a specific calling or what but more of He told me "Have He not send me to Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the world?" I think its really the first time in my whole Christian life that i heard this call in such a personally and genuine voice. All along i guess i can feel that God loves people so i guess i will try and see how i may love them and bring them to the knowledge of Christ but often fears and disappointments set in causing me to lose focus on what is His heartbeat is. This was not just a call but a anointing that will go with it to reach the lost.
On the more personally side, i felt that God spoke a personal voice about my life partner!! HEHEHE. It was during a weird time where worship was about to end and normally we were just ready for lunch and all that. I felt that God entrusted her to me like a gift. It struck me quite badly as the emotions and voices raged inside of me. OFten it was if i was good enough or are we really meant to be in His will but there was fear of not being good enough for her and indeed it takes 2 to clap and all that. Losing faith and leaning to my self pity, i felt it was always safer to beat yourself down and not dream about it. Ushering myself far away from all the interaction i can have with her, i felt that it was how i saw myself as a person because there are voices that constantly reminding im not good enough not just for my life partner but for what i can do for God. This was a issue i thought i have come out a little better than i was before but as God reveal bit by bit i realise He wants to continue to deal with it deep in my heart.
It was a great encouragement as i got to lead worship on 2 days of the devotion. Honestly i count myself a traitor as i removed myself from core group and went to find God in my own ways. Being able to lead again is not about if i was talented or able to but more of having the honor to do it for west zone was just mercy beyond mercy that God has granted to me. BUt the best of it all came during the last devotion where i told the people that in this camp, it was a lifestyle that we need to bring back more than answers or directions. And amazingly God used Ps Rajan to preach about a lifestyle to bring back too as we encounter trials and storms when we are back here in Singapore. God is just cool in His own ways. So assuring and comforting.
I cried badly during the camp. It was times where God was so real in my life once again. I remembered one of the services where i just felt that Who is man that He should be concern for. Moreover a disobedient one and looking at my past i certainly didn't earn it nor in any way deserve it. It was just like the first love kind of feeling and experience all over again. What more is there to ask for when He is already real in my life.
In short i just felt it was one of the most defining camp of my whole life. There are things that are addressed and it seems like i can finally leave Egypt to the promised land. Does that mean i will not fall or the future will be a breeze? i don't think so and judging how it has been in the past i feel that testings are gonna shake them so badly but i know now its all different. Something inside broke. Something inside was replaced and now i can stand in the grace of God so that i know why i try again in the future. Its just so assuring and never changing when u place your hope in a unchanging God.
So then, let church camp 2013 begin. =D
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Church Camp
Its finally here. Church camp 2013. Looking back it has been 6 years of church camp that i attended. Missed my first but even in army i was able to make it for both. God is good. lol.
Somehow i feel that i really look forward to church camp this year. It has always been a rest and recover time with my walk with God. Though there were times where i remember that i was going through a conflict in my devotion to God, it is a time where pulls you away from all that is bugging and causing you to not hear the Shepard voice in your day to day life.
Expectations for church camp 2013
1. Find out what does God has prepared for me to do in SIM. (School)
2. Know that i am near to God through some form of confirmation.
3. Calling for my life
4. Life partner directions (HAHAHAH)
5. Which ministry to serve in!
Its been so long since i expected to get something out from God. All along i guess its been what God wants to give then i will just take. This time i hope i can be more desperate, more real, more active in searching what You wanna place in my hands. It hasn't been a smooth year and looking back 6 months ago there was just no way i could reach where i am now. Let this camp be one that is defining. Let all that has been hidden and broken now become parts of Your prefect plan for my life.
Somehow i feel that i really look forward to church camp this year. It has always been a rest and recover time with my walk with God. Though there were times where i remember that i was going through a conflict in my devotion to God, it is a time where pulls you away from all that is bugging and causing you to not hear the Shepard voice in your day to day life.
Expectations for church camp 2013
1. Find out what does God has prepared for me to do in SIM. (School)
2. Know that i am near to God through some form of confirmation.
3. Calling for my life
4. Life partner directions (HAHAHAH)
5. Which ministry to serve in!
Its been so long since i expected to get something out from God. All along i guess its been what God wants to give then i will just take. This time i hope i can be more desperate, more real, more active in searching what You wanna place in my hands. It hasn't been a smooth year and looking back 6 months ago there was just no way i could reach where i am now. Let this camp be one that is defining. Let all that has been hidden and broken now become parts of Your prefect plan for my life.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Process
Is it really possible to enjoy the process more than the destination? While this is something that is greatly emphasized everywhere else, its another story when you are in the shoes of the one who is walking through it. I guess its when the tree meets the storms and only what has been built will be put to the test. Something that greatly confuse me is this: Everyday i wake up to find myself in search of a equilibrium. To put it plainly, its like a need to find myself somewhere. What happened yesterday and the rest of what that was beautifully constructed didn't seems to last or in any sense satisfy TODAY. And if not taken note of, there seems to be places where you run to place your security, finding your identity that would be the mask that can be put on through the days or sometimes even weeks.
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. Philippians 3:8-10
"BECAUSE OF THE SURPASSING WORTH OF KNOWING CHRIST JESUS MY LORD"
Wow, this is something that we shared during ag and it really shook me. Not that i have received a revelation of God or anything but rather the way Paul described was totally unbelievable. To know God so intimately and treasure that encounter/knowledge/experience that all else does not matter is like hey teegan, welcome to your beginning of your christian walk. There seems to be so much that i don't know God and it just amazes and challenges me to bring it to the ground.
God, i thank You for doing such a special work in my heart. I know that through all the things that are happening, You are just drawing closer to me. More than the things that are good to hold, more than the things that are needed. You O Lord come closer and it makes the whole world of difference. Let me not draw back or in any way find a lesser place to meet with You but let me now come out and be the person that seeks Your heart more than anything else. I want a everyday Jesus more than a changed life.
But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in[a] Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. Philippians 3:8-10
"BECAUSE OF THE SURPASSING WORTH OF KNOWING CHRIST JESUS MY LORD"
Wow, this is something that we shared during ag and it really shook me. Not that i have received a revelation of God or anything but rather the way Paul described was totally unbelievable. To know God so intimately and treasure that encounter/knowledge/experience that all else does not matter is like hey teegan, welcome to your beginning of your christian walk. There seems to be so much that i don't know God and it just amazes and challenges me to bring it to the ground.
God, i thank You for doing such a special work in my heart. I know that through all the things that are happening, You are just drawing closer to me. More than the things that are good to hold, more than the things that are needed. You O Lord come closer and it makes the whole world of difference. Let me not draw back or in any way find a lesser place to meet with You but let me now come out and be the person that seeks Your heart more than anything else. I want a everyday Jesus more than a changed life.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Drawing Near
Recently i've been reading this book by John Bevere, Drawing Near, and its a really old book that i used to read when i was a young Christian. Passionate back then, i felt that there was just such nearness of God in my life and just being able to enjoy every part of my Walk with Him. Those were precious moments that left a scar in my life that even as i was backsliding, i felt that something precious was done in my life and its hard to deny God did a work personally.
Waiting on God is hard, seeking Him is really not something for the weak. I'm weak and my hands are feeble. In this period of my holidays, i feel that there are so much things that could be done and jobs that i really need to fund my upcoming school papers. Im really kinda broke and even struggling to give my mission pledges and all. Well as far as i am concerned, felt that God is really quiet this season. It seems like He's there but no words were exchanged. The feeling is so contradicting as its almost impossible to feel like that. Why would someone who feels that God is by his side not be able to hear His voice. Its not like God is a idol that is unable to speak or what.
But i guess that's what Trust is about? Knowing that He has a different way, different time, different purposes through seasons of my life. Still its hard and what u get from your loved ones are "What are you doing about it?" "Is that how u really wanna spend your holidays?" So much storms yet deep in my heart there seems to have a sense of peace that spending time with Him is not a waste of time.
Okay God, i really regret asking/praying about who my life partner will be. I mean i thought it will be cool that i will be able to trust you with it and more than knowing, i wanted to see it literally. Now this is really silly. Thank You for preserving me for so long before You whispered to me. But now the real deal has come and i feel that its all or nothing. In my mind i just can't come to terms why and how am i going to do this. Well after all its someone that you will be living for the rest of your life and how is it that You will confirm with me is it her after all? I'm stuck n between. Part of me wishes to just cast it aside and just be open to other relationships as i really do not know if its You speaking while other part of me just wants to trust that You really have plans to prosper me and not to harm me.
While having said all this, i know that i'm still not ready to get into a relationship. I always feel that i wanted a relationship to end this insecurity in this lonely heart. Yet Ps Foo once said this and it still rings in my head till this day. "You are lonely not because you are single, but because you don't have a living relationship with God." It makes total sense and it really keeps my heart in check before stepping into a relationship.
I'm tired God. I need Your rest, Your peace, Your assurance again. Her blog is always so inspiring, so unreal. Like every season there is still light and running back to God was never really a problem. Yet i know that God, You have been there always protecting and loving me. I pray that each and every day, let me know You more. Don't let me place other things more important than You. Be my personal counselor i pray. Louder than any friend can speak. Continue to leave scars in my life so that i will know in different seasons You have been working through.
Waiting on God is hard, seeking Him is really not something for the weak. I'm weak and my hands are feeble. In this period of my holidays, i feel that there are so much things that could be done and jobs that i really need to fund my upcoming school papers. Im really kinda broke and even struggling to give my mission pledges and all. Well as far as i am concerned, felt that God is really quiet this season. It seems like He's there but no words were exchanged. The feeling is so contradicting as its almost impossible to feel like that. Why would someone who feels that God is by his side not be able to hear His voice. Its not like God is a idol that is unable to speak or what.
But i guess that's what Trust is about? Knowing that He has a different way, different time, different purposes through seasons of my life. Still its hard and what u get from your loved ones are "What are you doing about it?" "Is that how u really wanna spend your holidays?" So much storms yet deep in my heart there seems to have a sense of peace that spending time with Him is not a waste of time.
Okay God, i really regret asking/praying about who my life partner will be. I mean i thought it will be cool that i will be able to trust you with it and more than knowing, i wanted to see it literally. Now this is really silly. Thank You for preserving me for so long before You whispered to me. But now the real deal has come and i feel that its all or nothing. In my mind i just can't come to terms why and how am i going to do this. Well after all its someone that you will be living for the rest of your life and how is it that You will confirm with me is it her after all? I'm stuck n between. Part of me wishes to just cast it aside and just be open to other relationships as i really do not know if its You speaking while other part of me just wants to trust that You really have plans to prosper me and not to harm me.
While having said all this, i know that i'm still not ready to get into a relationship. I always feel that i wanted a relationship to end this insecurity in this lonely heart. Yet Ps Foo once said this and it still rings in my head till this day. "You are lonely not because you are single, but because you don't have a living relationship with God." It makes total sense and it really keeps my heart in check before stepping into a relationship.
I'm tired God. I need Your rest, Your peace, Your assurance again. Her blog is always so inspiring, so unreal. Like every season there is still light and running back to God was never really a problem. Yet i know that God, You have been there always protecting and loving me. I pray that each and every day, let me know You more. Don't let me place other things more important than You. Be my personal counselor i pray. Louder than any friend can speak. Continue to leave scars in my life so that i will know in different seasons You have been working through.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Looking back
Just browsed through the photos of my facebook and felt like there was so much that i forgotten about my past. There were seasons that were sweet, seasons where its hard. Even when i was 18, i felt that i didn't know much about what life was, just enjoying the company of friends and going church & even loving God.
So much events, so many people that passed by. It is really interesting how life unfolds to where it is now. I think life just started for me. Looking back at where i was when i first came to church, it was a rough road all that is ahead.
After feeling so much, there is always one question i ask myself and that is " what now?"
God. i don't think You can hide from me any longer. I'm gonna find You one day. Just You wait. ^^
So much events, so many people that passed by. It is really interesting how life unfolds to where it is now. I think life just started for me. Looking back at where i was when i first came to church, it was a rough road all that is ahead.
After feeling so much, there is always one question i ask myself and that is " what now?"
God. i don't think You can hide from me any longer. I'm gonna find You one day. Just You wait. ^^
Sunday, May 26, 2013
aloneness
What are You trying to do this season of my life? i feel that You are real but there's no one to share about what You are doing in my life.
Are friends really that important?
Am i really secured in God?
Will i reach where You will want to lead me?
My soul longs for You. My heart beats waiting for you to reveal Your great plan for my life.
Come fill this heart as You have already given me Your grace & mercy.
Are friends really that important?
Am i really secured in God?
Will i reach where You will want to lead me?
My soul longs for You. My heart beats waiting for you to reveal Your great plan for my life.
Come fill this heart as You have already given me Your grace & mercy.
Tuesday, May 21, 2013
Life in itself
It took quite long for me to realise that life is all about a personal journey to each individual might choose.
Since young, i believe having friends, common goals, same cca, same church even will always stay the same and things will just be happily ever after but no. After a few years down the road as i look back at my former self i do notice that there were crossroads in my life where i needed to make important decisions to either let go or continue clinging on to what i had at that point of time. After many many decisions i'm finally here at where i am now and i consistently encourage myself recently is that regrets are a sure indication of growth. Surely there was stuff that i felt i could have done better or probably the things that i should have paid more attention to or invested in but i feel its more about moving on from what u have learnt and not dwelling in the past since nth could be changed.
God, at the end of the day this is what i hope. Make my life make a difference. no i don't necessarily mean that a physical change got to take place but let even this walk with You change something. Let all that You have done in moses, joshua, abraham lives be an encouragement and let this life speak something that is dear to Your heart. Yes God. i wanna touch Your heart with my life.
Since young, i believe having friends, common goals, same cca, same church even will always stay the same and things will just be happily ever after but no. After a few years down the road as i look back at my former self i do notice that there were crossroads in my life where i needed to make important decisions to either let go or continue clinging on to what i had at that point of time. After many many decisions i'm finally here at where i am now and i consistently encourage myself recently is that regrets are a sure indication of growth. Surely there was stuff that i felt i could have done better or probably the things that i should have paid more attention to or invested in but i feel its more about moving on from what u have learnt and not dwelling in the past since nth could be changed.
God, at the end of the day this is what i hope. Make my life make a difference. no i don't necessarily mean that a physical change got to take place but let even this walk with You change something. Let all that You have done in moses, joshua, abraham lives be an encouragement and let this life speak something that is dear to Your heart. Yes God. i wanna touch Your heart with my life.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
YOU
Yes. the question is plain.
Who do you say that God is to you?
That will determine the world to you.
Who do you say that God is to you?
That will determine the world to you.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Expectations
God, You are really too much. There seems to be so much stuff happening this week. Its like been so long since i heard so much from You. Too much till i can't sleep, run, think alone.
Leading Your people by the pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night is just too much. Its like You are REAL. Like right in front of them. O.O
Let me know You are real-er each day.
Leading Your people by the pillar of cloud by day and pillar of fire by night is just too much. Its like You are REAL. Like right in front of them. O.O
Let me know You are real-er each day.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Lifetime
What does your life ultimately amount to in His plan?
i don't have the answer. But my prayer is this.
I want You to make a difference with my life. Let all the hurts, disappointments, fears be of value. Don't just let me struggle through it, missing out everything else.
i don't have the answer. But my prayer is this.
I want You to make a difference with my life. Let all the hurts, disappointments, fears be of value. Don't just let me struggle through it, missing out everything else.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Still small voice
"Trust that I'm good in your life"
Today was a usual yet unusual youth service.
Songs were right, The Presence of God was just hovering over the service.
I felt that Today was the start of something good that God want to bring into my life.
First was prayer at 1.15pm. whether you are a core member or not, it really doesn't matter when you approach God with a simplicity of your heart, wanting to just commit what you struggle and just giving it to Him. Ultimately the desire to help people doesn't originate from us. Its God when u start aligning your life to Him.
Then there was the service and the sermon which spoke quite deeply to me. It was not that Ps Lovleen was talking in any different ways but i realize when the soil is good, words you often hear so frequently now become alive in all that u struggle.
The altar call reminded me of the times when i was still a youth and it was a time of restoration and drawing close to God.
But this is what i learnt the most today: We all have desires, good desires to see people being blessed and touched by God. I believe this in itself is not wrong.
The wrong thing is this: We don't start moving without God leading us to. I believe He knows whats the best for them and we cannot let our desires, our ways of doing things hinder what He has planned and how He wants it to be done.
So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me. John 8:28
God, i want to trust in You. Help my unbelief.
In Jesus Name
Amen
Today was a usual yet unusual youth service.
Songs were right, The Presence of God was just hovering over the service.
I felt that Today was the start of something good that God want to bring into my life.
First was prayer at 1.15pm. whether you are a core member or not, it really doesn't matter when you approach God with a simplicity of your heart, wanting to just commit what you struggle and just giving it to Him. Ultimately the desire to help people doesn't originate from us. Its God when u start aligning your life to Him.
Then there was the service and the sermon which spoke quite deeply to me. It was not that Ps Lovleen was talking in any different ways but i realize when the soil is good, words you often hear so frequently now become alive in all that u struggle.
The altar call reminded me of the times when i was still a youth and it was a time of restoration and drawing close to God.
But this is what i learnt the most today: We all have desires, good desires to see people being blessed and touched by God. I believe this in itself is not wrong.
The wrong thing is this: We don't start moving without God leading us to. I believe He knows whats the best for them and we cannot let our desires, our ways of doing things hinder what He has planned and how He wants it to be done.
So Jesus said, “When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am he and that I do nothing on my own but speak just what the Father has taught me. John 8:28
God, i want to trust in You. Help my unbelief.
In Jesus Name
Amen
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Do we really take for granted the things that are so accessible in our lives?
Help me to live like i need you everyday.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Life
Life starts when people are not satisfied.
1 Corinthians 2:8-10
8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 However, as it is written:
1 Corinthians 2:8-10
8 None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. 9 However, as it is written:
“What no eye has seen,
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
the things God has prepared for those who love him—
10 these are the things God has revealed to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God.Thursday, May 2, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Ecclesiastes
Life can never get more interesting than reading and meditating on Ecclesiastes. It just brings a account of what solomon has experienced and what his thoughts were when he had everything. Its just more than a time of devotion and what He wanna speak to me.
Tml marks the start of my UOL econs paper. Honestly the paper may be out of the world but its not that that makes it hard. Its the support of people around that will walk with you that matters to me actually.
Today west zone outing was awesome and i think we really played our heart away. Got to know this guy named jackson that taught us the basic rules of floorball. Feel a great connection for NSFs and really hope that the next time i see him, it will be more than just a chat.
This was what she wrote, need to stop speaking in parables, deep person & thinks alot. Enjoy your presence in the cell grp. Continue to serve God with a willing heart. -friend.
Sian half
Cant really take it God. Its too painful sometimes to keep hoping and waiting. Teach me how i should live my life and make everyday a day where i can get to know you more.
In Jesus precious name
Amen
Tml marks the start of my UOL econs paper. Honestly the paper may be out of the world but its not that that makes it hard. Its the support of people around that will walk with you that matters to me actually.
Today west zone outing was awesome and i think we really played our heart away. Got to know this guy named jackson that taught us the basic rules of floorball. Feel a great connection for NSFs and really hope that the next time i see him, it will be more than just a chat.
This was what she wrote, need to stop speaking in parables, deep person & thinks alot. Enjoy your presence in the cell grp. Continue to serve God with a willing heart. -friend.
Sian half
Cant really take it God. Its too painful sometimes to keep hoping and waiting. Teach me how i should live my life and make everyday a day where i can get to know you more.
In Jesus precious name
Amen
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)