Honestly, the food was okay. The people were few & it didn't started well for me. Went to the camp with a heavy yet expecten heart. But after the whole 5 days have ended, i felt that this was my best church camp i ever had.
If i could sum up everything i will put it this way. i felt that more than having answers to my solutions and directions that i want to hear from God, it will be Him changing the position that i was in before the camp had started. This position is this. Being near to God.
i certainly don't think its a coincident that i was reading Drawing Near by John Bevere that lured my heart to the heart of God. It once again reminded me that after all that we will do/serve/get hurt/disappointed with, the point of all this is to get near to Himself. What comfort it brings to the soul and mind.
Something special about this camp was that i felt God spoke during the missions service. Not that i have a specific calling or what but more of He told me "Have He not send me to Judea, Samaria and to the ends of the world?" I think its really the first time in my whole Christian life that i heard this call in such a personally and genuine voice. All along i guess i can feel that God loves people so i guess i will try and see how i may love them and bring them to the knowledge of Christ but often fears and disappointments set in causing me to lose focus on what is His heartbeat is. This was not just a call but a anointing that will go with it to reach the lost.
On the more personally side, i felt that God spoke a personal voice about my life partner!! HEHEHE. It was during a weird time where worship was about to end and normally we were just ready for lunch and all that. I felt that God entrusted her to me like a gift. It struck me quite badly as the emotions and voices raged inside of me. OFten it was if i was good enough or are we really meant to be in His will but there was fear of not being good enough for her and indeed it takes 2 to clap and all that. Losing faith and leaning to my self pity, i felt it was always safer to beat yourself down and not dream about it. Ushering myself far away from all the interaction i can have with her, i felt that it was how i saw myself as a person because there are voices that constantly reminding im not good enough not just for my life partner but for what i can do for God. This was a issue i thought i have come out a little better than i was before but as God reveal bit by bit i realise He wants to continue to deal with it deep in my heart.
It was a great encouragement as i got to lead worship on 2 days of the devotion. Honestly i count myself a traitor as i removed myself from core group and went to find God in my own ways. Being able to lead again is not about if i was talented or able to but more of having the honor to do it for west zone was just mercy beyond mercy that God has granted to me. BUt the best of it all came during the last devotion where i told the people that in this camp, it was a lifestyle that we need to bring back more than answers or directions. And amazingly God used Ps Rajan to preach about a lifestyle to bring back too as we encounter trials and storms when we are back here in Singapore. God is just cool in His own ways. So assuring and comforting.
I cried badly during the camp. It was times where God was so real in my life once again. I remembered one of the services where i just felt that Who is man that He should be concern for. Moreover a disobedient one and looking at my past i certainly didn't earn it nor in any way deserve it. It was just like the first love kind of feeling and experience all over again. What more is there to ask for when He is already real in my life.
In short i just felt it was one of the most defining camp of my whole life. There are things that are addressed and it seems like i can finally leave Egypt to the promised land. Does that mean i will not fall or the future will be a breeze? i don't think so and judging how it has been in the past i feel that testings are gonna shake them so badly but i know now its all different. Something inside broke. Something inside was replaced and now i can stand in the grace of God so that i know why i try again in the future. Its just so assuring and never changing when u place your hope in a unchanging God.
So then, let church camp 2013 begin. =D
No comments:
Post a Comment