This 2 days has been long. like really long. Recently i have been hiding in National library to do my readings and devotion. It is just the perfect place to just read and think and mediate and look at whoever that is creating a din at almost everywhere. Im gonna study there one day after school reopens. The serenity and concentration is beyond measure.
Well, yesterday was a unique day for me. wanted to head to swee lee to ask if they need a cashier/part time worker but as i was about to head out, soup restaurant called. It has almost been a month and honestly i lost hope that they would only need weekends workers thus my application is just misplaced or thrown away somewhere in their database. Was really elated at first as i thought that was the way God will bring me out of poverty but it was not so after a while of praying and seeking God. What?! Questioning the job that came to find you? Did not God open this door for you already?
His Word came. 7 times Elijah called his servant to go out and check if there was rain. And it was not till the seventh time that a cloud that was like a fist could be seen. And there was the earthquake, fire and all other things but God was not in it. God is the still small voice that came after. I felt that He stirred my heart to help out in PTFT for 2 weeks. HMMMMMMM. I know deep in my heart there was still a fear that if God does not come through im dead. While my parents consistently bug me to find a job and not laze around which is also my desire, i know that in my heart Poverty still exists and God wants to take me out of that before seeing the rain come to past.
It was tough. Not being able to jump straight to the job that came searching for me. Today i still went for the interview at the soup restaurant. I reasoned that God did not say it was not this job but rather it was not this time that i was to accept it.
But looking back at this whole thing i came to this conclusion. I think i really hold close to what my parents say about me and in as much as i don't get impress by them, its like a trust that i place in their words and what they think even. I don't think i need their acceptance as much as i was in my secondary school days but sure enough it still affects with their everyday effort to finance this family with their time and love.
Yet having said that i know that God will continue to lead me out of this situation. My only worry is that i don't know how to face my parents and explain that i'm trusting a God who will provide in His timing.
Looking at the brighter side, i have been receiving quite a bit from my devotions. Time at NLB is just amazingly good for me. Being close to God seems to be a past time and its like spending hours with ur best friend. Some of which i feel that i don't understand or quite confuse about as it does not just concern me per say. I don't know how long more it will sustain but i do pray that i will just enjoy being in His presence everyday. I know i can because His desire to meet with me is stronger than mine. =D
God, let everything i start doing or want to do have a foundation that You are first in it and You are with me. If Your presence is not there, i hope i won't be too. Renew my mind everyday that will align my emotions to help me walk Your will in my life. Let the focus be You and i know the rest will fall in place. Be my best friend God!
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