Yes, if you ever did love people with your heart it must have hurt so badly. Cause humans fails and no one is perfect. I was so angry today that my parents didn't let me hang out with Ernest and gang. But the thing that really hurts is that i still do not have the trust and approval from my parents to be seen as a independent guy. Yes i admit that i'm probably childish for my age and because living under the favoritism that my relatives and family gave me really allowed me not to grow but just dwell in their love when i always make mistakes and taking stuff for granted. I know its not something i blame them for but rather i kinda hate myself for this. This very road i chose that cause me to feel that i wasted my life living for so long yet not being able to help or be a strength to anyone.
I felt so hurt that i swear so much that for the past few years didn't amount to what i prayed just now. I feel that its so hard to love and not get hurt. Wait. Now that i typed this i realized its impossible. I tried loving my family by trying to spend more time with them and just wasting time but yet this is how they see me. I feel angry yet useless. Looking at how others at my age at already enjoying the freedom that i think i will only achieve when i moved out of my parents house perhaps and all i could blame is myself for being so immature in their eyes.
GOd. i give up. But please don't give up on me. Teach me how to love like You have loved me. I commit this life again to Your hands. Use it as You will again.
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