The results of my SIM year 1 has finally been released after 3 months of rotting and remembering the days that i mugged and wasted my days away is such a regret. I failed econs and stats 2 and thats what i feared about to the point that i threw everything else to just study econs but still i did not make it and even my friends all passed it to make things worst. I guess thats the consequence of sin and not stewarding my studies that God has entrusted to me and that really saddened my heart as i know/claim that God wanted me to be here.
Its not just the studies but also life in general i suppose. I feel that being undetermined sucks. Sometimes i rather be wrong all the way and know that at least i'm wrong and learn something from it but this attitude/character of mine is seriously too cannot be bothered and weak to press on. I am utterly disgusted by myself yet i am the one choosing my day to day choices. To those that hope in me, my heart can't take this whole disappointment that i will bring to them and probably to those that thought i am just a simple guy who loves God. I don't. at least not with my life that i am living now and nothing is being accomplished from the moment i came church. I feel that there is just nothing valuable that i have allowed God to work through me.
GOd. can i give up? can u change something? or at least stop this life from going into ruins.
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