Yes. Its finally coming to an end of this fasting and prayer season. Sounds of relief and no more of the dying process is really something i look forward and indeed, mindsets are changed and humbled this period as God begin to take away physical strength and more of dependence for Him each day and what we are always involved in.
Before evening service started, Hongling asked if there were testimony that what God did that we wanted to thank God for and i thought real hard to examine if there was any stuff that God really did through me or in me but to no avail. Questions came crashing my mind if there was really nothing that God did this period? Well if you ask me the most memorable one would be fasting in bangkok during my family trip and that really frustrated me greatly when i need to fast while i'm on a holiday and it humbled me as i was weak and there was just a reliance and focus on God even though i was just busy shopping and enjoying my time away.
Is that all? While you hear of how God use other people to do so much more and how God open doors to reach their loved ones and how they took the step of faith to see what He is beginning to do. Deep in my heart i felt i wanted it too. Not the outward where people respond to you but more of being able to let God use you in where He placed you and a new movement where we can bring Jesus into the hearts of people.
Today Pastor asked if we ever wondered why we still exist on earth? I had an answer which was to know Him more and more each day but i thought about it in a more serious manner and i realize wouldn't it be easier if He brings us back to heaven where we will see Him face to face? I'm sure we will know Him and it really kept me thinking what is it that is really important that we are still placed on this earth then. And Pastor emphasized that there are people who are desperate to hear the gospel and its part of fulfilling our destiny in Him and why we still exist on earth to this day. I, for one, know that these 6 years of being in church have not been bringing people to church or rather the knowledge of Christ in where God has placed me. It has always been struggles that i am going through and there is always this fear of telling someone about God and what He is doing in my life.
So often i feel that the work that He tries to do in me is always halfway as i tend to give up easily. I wonder to myself when is it that i will be a testimony for God and be someone that can make a difference in my friends and family life. I want to. I hope that from today i would not just talk about it but i will preach Christ with my life and the conversations that God will usher and lead.
God. help me today. Help me not look back at what i have been doing all along but i wanna focus on what You want to bring and how i can be that which You have meant me to be. I want to move forward with You. Teach my heart to be teachable again. In Jesus name, Amen.
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