Today is new. Well everyday is a new day created by God but i felt today was special. Its like having new life by changing some of my old mindsets and letting God speak something personal that just changes everything about you. Even my mood is altered and no longer depressed due to the newness that is breathed upon when u mix with born again believers.
Different seasons of your life God does different stuff and its really His way and time that He deals different issues that we have. I used to think if this was not solved then there was just no way i could do anything else for Him but the Word of God encourages again and again how God used people who were murderers and basically people who are just not able to do anything since they have not made right with God but the purpose and plan of God brings them to a place where they can do stuff for God and ultimately returning back to the creator. This sounded abstract to me and i could not conceive in the beginning but as i really inspect their life, it is really about a life with God and for God. The longer u struggle with finding your own way to walk with God the more you fail and feel insecure about everything. No wonder the Word of God says,
Psalm 139:15-17
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Our days ordained for me. How can the Words be so intimate and so precise. I want to live my life knowing the Word of God. Be my best friend okay!
God, today let me receive You as my personal Lord and let it be a everyday renewal. Be my boss as i follow what You have ordained me to do. Keep me in Your love. =D
Monday, September 30, 2013
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Deeper
Yes. As we all grow older and deeper in this walk with God, we crave for something real. Something that we can die for and how God is so real in our lives or nothing at all. There's either faith or nothing. Real or walk away.
A question i really don't understand is that why is this happening to me again. I used not to care about so many things and accept a lukewarm life that i was living. I enjoyed as there was always the grace of God and how i could still put a leg into the world and know that i am not prefect anyway. It sounds like its not suppose to be like that in the first place but it has been and i have been existing comfortably.
Recently, my grandfather's brother died and i felt really bad that i did not went to the hospital to visit him when i could have the chance. It was only today that i wanted to go when i heard of news that he passed away in the early hours.
God, when i remain faithless. I need Your faithfulness in my life. Help me when i consciously reject Your dealing in my life and bring me back to Yourself. I wanna be Your child all my life. Tear this pride, break this bondage. I'm running to You again.
A question i really don't understand is that why is this happening to me again. I used not to care about so many things and accept a lukewarm life that i was living. I enjoyed as there was always the grace of God and how i could still put a leg into the world and know that i am not prefect anyway. It sounds like its not suppose to be like that in the first place but it has been and i have been existing comfortably.
Recently, my grandfather's brother died and i felt really bad that i did not went to the hospital to visit him when i could have the chance. It was only today that i wanted to go when i heard of news that he passed away in the early hours.
God, when i remain faithless. I need Your faithfulness in my life. Help me when i consciously reject Your dealing in my life and bring me back to Yourself. I wanna be Your child all my life. Tear this pride, break this bondage. I'm running to You again.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Lifter of my head
Today is the day. I felt that God has finally not kept silent and i heard so clearly what He is saying to me again. It was with an heavy heart doing all the things that i was committed to and just going for the services and the voice of God came as a whisper. A gentle, soft yet clear whisper. And not just voice but the peace and confidence that came along with it was one that was refreshing and assuring. Now i know that God wants me to go for this segamat mission trip and i know that He certainty wants to use us to do a work over there.
With all that being said, the biggest issue that i have on hand was also something that God had spoke very clearly. It was in line to what i have always so feared to hear and that is to give her up and surrender it to God. I don't think i have fully understood what it meant as i know there will be days, months and months that i will go through that i will really want someone along aside that i can share and confide to but it was certain and i know that is something that is on God's heart. I felt in a loss but i know i had to make a choice. Blessing or cursing. Living or dying.:(
God, thank you for being so faithful and assuring again. I know something new is gonna happen but i pray that i will obey and walk through this closely with You. Help me x 10000000
Tee
With all that being said, the biggest issue that i have on hand was also something that God had spoke very clearly. It was in line to what i have always so feared to hear and that is to give her up and surrender it to God. I don't think i have fully understood what it meant as i know there will be days, months and months that i will go through that i will really want someone along aside that i can share and confide to but it was certain and i know that is something that is on God's heart. I felt in a loss but i know i had to make a choice. Blessing or cursing. Living or dying.:(
God, thank you for being so faithful and assuring again. I know something new is gonna happen but i pray that i will obey and walk through this closely with You. Help me x 10000000
Tee
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
Rock bottom
Did i come to this point of my life to just do another stupid thing that i should have avoided completely? Questions like what was i learning all these years and did i not learn from my past mistakes so far? Why did i choose to do that was un needed and isn't this walk with God be something that is always going deeper? Why does mine seems like the first time i felt in love with God was the best time of my walk with Him and subsequently i'm just trying to stay alive and doing works that are meaningful yet it does not show what is really going on the inside?
I realize that i'm always lost and down for some reason. There seems to be more days that are gloomy and dark than bright sunny days where i would just rejoice that God is there for me and i can just be satisfied in Him and with Him alone. No. At least i feel it isn't suppose to be like that. Don't believe God placed so much stuff on earth just to make people sad and disappointed. It must be the wrong focus. A wrong mindset. A heart that needs to be stronger because of the realization that God is indeed good in my life. At where i am now, can i really shout? i want to. At this rock bottom where i screwed alot of things in my life and i don't have solutions to all that i am facing, God can you hear this. Teegan can u don't give up? You must pick yourself up because He came to seek and save the lost. If His love was not real then go ahead. Run far far away to a land that you can just waste your life and die without a purpose. Do it if you have concluded God isn't real in your life anymore. But i guess something that really kept me going all these years was that i could not find something else that would satisfy my heart's desire and leaving God really meant a meaningless, wasted life. i don't want that and i pray that i will never be found there.
What must be done. Let it be done. Let me not resist. Let me allow You, the living God, to come and make the change. If i missed out everything and am still lost. Let me be lost in Your great love for me. With that i don't wanna understand everything. i just wanna let You do it in my life. Let me mean it dear God.
I realize that i'm always lost and down for some reason. There seems to be more days that are gloomy and dark than bright sunny days where i would just rejoice that God is there for me and i can just be satisfied in Him and with Him alone. No. At least i feel it isn't suppose to be like that. Don't believe God placed so much stuff on earth just to make people sad and disappointed. It must be the wrong focus. A wrong mindset. A heart that needs to be stronger because of the realization that God is indeed good in my life. At where i am now, can i really shout? i want to. At this rock bottom where i screwed alot of things in my life and i don't have solutions to all that i am facing, God can you hear this. Teegan can u don't give up? You must pick yourself up because He came to seek and save the lost. If His love was not real then go ahead. Run far far away to a land that you can just waste your life and die without a purpose. Do it if you have concluded God isn't real in your life anymore. But i guess something that really kept me going all these years was that i could not find something else that would satisfy my heart's desire and leaving God really meant a meaningless, wasted life. i don't want that and i pray that i will never be found there.
What must be done. Let it be done. Let me not resist. Let me allow You, the living God, to come and make the change. If i missed out everything and am still lost. Let me be lost in Your great love for me. With that i don't wanna understand everything. i just wanna let You do it in my life. Let me mean it dear God.
Monday, September 2, 2013
Bless the Lord
Your life starts changing when you understand pain and what it brings after going through the process that God wants to bring you through. Does it mean its not hard anymore? i dont think so. But i guess the difference is our focus and it really helps us to endure and move further than what we normally can push ourselves.
Jeremiah 17:9 - “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
I think this verse is really making alot of sense as God begin to reveal what is in our hearts and what we think about each day. Often we get angry, disappointed, disgusted at what even our loved ones do and it really shocks me that when i look back seeing the thoughts i have towards them. God is indeed one who searches the deep things in our hearts and still He chooses to forgive us and love us. This love. Indeed it takes a lifetime to understand and to be embraced by it.
Something that is rather close to my heart nowadays is about resisting the Holy Spirit in my life. I felt that there are times where God stirred my heart to probably do this or that but because of fears/anxieties/self pity i find myself rejecting what God is trying to do through me and it often brings a sense of guilt and remorse after disobeying what God has placed in my heart. Surrender has become selective and songs can only remain as songs. There is just no more initmacy and trust that i can render to God and promises are no longer personal and what they are meant for.
Jeremiah 17:9 - “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?
I think this verse is really making alot of sense as God begin to reveal what is in our hearts and what we think about each day. Often we get angry, disappointed, disgusted at what even our loved ones do and it really shocks me that when i look back seeing the thoughts i have towards them. God is indeed one who searches the deep things in our hearts and still He chooses to forgive us and love us. This love. Indeed it takes a lifetime to understand and to be embraced by it.
Something that is rather close to my heart nowadays is about resisting the Holy Spirit in my life. I felt that there are times where God stirred my heart to probably do this or that but because of fears/anxieties/self pity i find myself rejecting what God is trying to do through me and it often brings a sense of guilt and remorse after disobeying what God has placed in my heart. Surrender has become selective and songs can only remain as songs. There is just no more initmacy and trust that i can render to God and promises are no longer personal and what they are meant for.
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