Reading my last post sure brings back memory but its something so distant that i could hardly remember the time that i was in already. Moving on from the darkest period of my life to where i am now is indeed something i could not have done it on my own strength.
Probably the only thing that changed was that i found friends in church again. To start off with anything, there was alvin, faz, HD, Ernest that formed a group of people whom i don't just know them surface level anymore. It seems like what i have been missing out on a community of believers has been restored and its really a joy to hear out each other struggles and being so transparent and open about their lives while we challenge each other of who God is in ours which we hope it will be not just a group to talk about life but rather how to live for God in all our aspects of life which is found in Him. Its like finally when i sing about the church being a family is not so far fetched already.
With that being said, i think its not that i don't struggle with lust or with other stuff anymore. But my approach to God and church is changed. As i come before Him, its no longer dependent on works, how i handle my struggles, how i have been living my life to start with. Think all these played a part but its about God's love for His children before anything else or everything else will start to ever change. The reason is simple. Our determinations, will power, convictions, emotions will never be constant. Only His love does. Thus when i encounter a problem or season in my life that is unsure, i remind myself that its about His unfailing love that i can walk in assurance rather than how my character is and how far i can reach out to God.
Grace - Gratefulness - Sanctification - Restoration - Freedom - Grace
In all my struggles, May grace be the motivation factor of why i change and the reason why i want to struggle through. Not the things i do or not. but deep down from my heart, my desire, my appetite, my habits, my lifestyle, my serving, my faith in God. Your love that first reached down to us. May that compel us to experience fully and deeply into your grace as we encounter your love again.
Father, be my father who holds my right hand. My prayer is to be simple again. To be a child in awe of you. Beyond all the complicated things in my mind which are not so complicated when i bring it to your presence, i want to come to your presence daily. Let your nearness be my good. Not for any other audience in the world to see or be amazed by but rather a deep renewing personal encounter that i may have with you. Cleanse me from the inside. Thank you heavenly Father. =D
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