Ever tried living in your own world long enough and someone finally wakes you up to reality? I must have been dreaming for too long. Too virtual is my world. As i look around i realize everything changes. Only God is still there for me. I'm grateful.
I sleep too much. I need a break from everything. But i ask myself why is this so. As i receive God's mercy and grace each step along the way, it doesn't seem like i'm growing any stronger. In fact, i admire just the young and energetic Teegan who used to love God simply. I have acquired knowledge about God, i have prayed and gone through army and difficult times. I should have been stronger. But each day i awake, i find myself just trying to avoid pain, just trying to not give in to temptations, just trying to manage everything, just always saying i'm really tired in life. This place that i am in doesn't seems to be where i wanted to be. Thought life could be simple, either follow God or the world but there's this part where you know what needs to be done yet doing it is so hard. Not doing it also suffer. I think i am highly self pitying myself and i need to stop it. I don't want to be found in the same place 5 years later.
God is not done with me. He never will. I don't understand why am i struggling since i already know what destroys and what does not. But i pray that i will not turn away from Him. He is my Father. My refuge.
